Pregnancy Test

this is possibly the funniest commercial i have ever seen.

somehow i never put pregnancy tests and the action movie voice together in my head but clearly it's a match made in heaven.

this is what happens when women write commercials for women instead of men who think they know what women want. i am honestly thinking about taking a test just for shits and giggles.

family

this weekend was pretty hectic. but Sunday, oddly enough is the day that sticks out in my mind.

i spent the entire day with family. i don;t do that enough. after a day of shopping with the 'rents and dinner and movies i took my brother out for some bonding time.

we played trivia at local pub. I always knew my brother was a smart kid, but until that day i had no idea that he was smarter than i am.

i knew that he knew more about South American politics and history, and i know that he can kick my ass at sport trivia any day. but i had no earthly idea that he had a better grip on logical thinking.

this is the kid that i could talk into eating disgusting concoctions, jumping out of trees, giving me all of his allowance and doing my chores. . . apparently he's grown quite a bit while i wasn't looking.


i think that my bro and i should hang out more. . . in fact i am thinking about making Sundays brother and me day.

I hate cityville

well, that's not entirely true.
i hate cityville the same way everyone else in cityville hates it, in that i hate it but am always oddly relieved to be back when I've been away.

tonight though the hatred is more that it's usual minor annoyance.

tonight it quite literally stinks.

don't get me wrong, the usual odour of this place is not all that pleasant, but i am used to it, and get a kick out of out of town visitors scrunching their noses and breathing through their mouths when they tell you it's a beautiful city.

every so often though, when the wind is coming from such and such a direction at certain times of year the smell factor goes from an unpleasant 5 to an unbearable 10. tonight is one of those nights, and because i am quite sure that some Deity somewhere is laughing at me from high atop the whatever. these nights always coincide with the days I've left my windows wide open.

so now my apartment smells funny, and no amount of incense or candles seam to be helping.

so now i can't sleep.

at least narcoleptic puppy doesn't have the same problem.

shout out to nannies!

I have a confession to make.

it's not one that is easy to make, but i feel as though i have come to a place in my life where i have the confidence that my true friends will stay with me even after the general public scorns me.

i am a tabloid reader.

not that i actually spend money on said tabloids. No, it's far worse than that. I am one of those horrible people who hold up the line at the corner store reading the latest news about Brangelina's small army of children, Paris Hilton's latest jail break, and just how fat Rosie O'Donnell is now. i do this at about 3pm, downtown, while people are trying to buy a candy bar, eat it, have a cigarette and bolt back to work within the time constraints of a fifteen minute coffee break.

but now that i have that out of the way i can talk about what's really been on my mind.

my immense respect and admiration for the nannies of Hollywood. today's tabloid press brought it to my attention that i am on the wrong career path.
It seams that Britney spear's former nanny has landed a multimillion dollar book deal to put her name on a book ghost written my some autobiographer-to-the-stars about her time in the K-fed/B-spe household.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT FIRST!!!!!

this is the American dream at it's best, not only does Britney get to fulfill the part where she doesn't raise her own children, but the (compared to Britney) underpaid baby wrangler later gets to fulfill the part where they get to earn millions of dollars for doing little to no work.

god bless America man.

so in an effort to bring this phenomenon to America's under-appreciated ice cube full of natural resources to the north, here is my new and improved five year plan. . .

find somebody to ghost write a tell all book about the Anderson's down the street, who i babysat for in high school . . . which should really only take a week or so. and then spend the next five years trying to make them famous. . .

a little turned around but after this blog entry i don't see myself getting hired as a nanny by the Mulroney's. . . (even though Ben still clearly needs one.)

''sing sing, sounds like it should be and opera house or something. . . black, alligator.''

there is nothing i like more than coming home tanked and watching classic movies. hoorah for breakfast at tiffany's.

i read somewhere that celebraties(sp? i can't spell when i am sober let alone right now.) go out and party on weekdays because only the lower class go partying on the weekends, so. . . hoorah for acting rich, because there really is no excuse for being this drunk on a weekday.

anyways, the point of this drabble is that george pappard is awesome. . . and i guess audrey hepburn is pretty cool too.

''you!! you know what's going to happen to you? i am going to take you to the Zoo and feed you to the yak!!! . . . as soon as i finish this drink."