Pregnancy Test

this is possibly the funniest commercial i have ever seen.

somehow i never put pregnancy tests and the action movie voice together in my head but clearly it's a match made in heaven.

this is what happens when women write commercials for women instead of men who think they know what women want. i am honestly thinking about taking a test just for shits and giggles.



this weekend was pretty hectic. but Sunday, oddly enough is the day that sticks out in my mind.

i spent the entire day with family. i don;t do that enough. after a day of shopping with the 'rents and dinner and movies i took my brother out for some bonding time.

we played trivia at local pub. I always knew my brother was a smart kid, but until that day i had no idea that he was smarter than i am.

i knew that he knew more about South American politics and history, and i know that he can kick my ass at sport trivia any day. but i had no earthly idea that he had a better grip on logical thinking.

this is the kid that i could talk into eating disgusting concoctions, jumping out of trees, giving me all of his allowance and doing my chores. . . apparently he's grown quite a bit while i wasn't looking.

i think that my bro and i should hang out more. . . in fact i am thinking about making Sundays brother and me day.


I hate cityville

well, that's not entirely true.
i hate cityville the same way everyone else in cityville hates it, in that i hate it but am always oddly relieved to be back when I've been away.

tonight though the hatred is more that it's usual minor annoyance.

tonight it quite literally stinks.

don't get me wrong, the usual odour of this place is not all that pleasant, but i am used to it, and get a kick out of out of town visitors scrunching their noses and breathing through their mouths when they tell you it's a beautiful city.

every so often though, when the wind is coming from such and such a direction at certain times of year the smell factor goes from an unpleasant 5 to an unbearable 10. tonight is one of those nights, and because i am quite sure that some Deity somewhere is laughing at me from high atop the whatever. these nights always coincide with the days I've left my windows wide open.

so now my apartment smells funny, and no amount of incense or candles seam to be helping.

so now i can't sleep.

at least narcoleptic puppy doesn't have the same problem.


shout out to nannies!

I have a confession to make.

it's not one that is easy to make, but i feel as though i have come to a place in my life where i have the confidence that my true friends will stay with me even after the general public scorns me.

i am a tabloid reader.

not that i actually spend money on said tabloids. No, it's far worse than that. I am one of those horrible people who hold up the line at the corner store reading the latest news about Brangelina's small army of children, Paris Hilton's latest jail break, and just how fat Rosie O'Donnell is now. i do this at about 3pm, downtown, while people are trying to buy a candy bar, eat it, have a cigarette and bolt back to work within the time constraints of a fifteen minute coffee break.

but now that i have that out of the way i can talk about what's really been on my mind.

my immense respect and admiration for the nannies of Hollywood. today's tabloid press brought it to my attention that i am on the wrong career path.
It seams that Britney spear's former nanny has landed a multimillion dollar book deal to put her name on a book ghost written my some autobiographer-to-the-stars about her time in the K-fed/B-spe household.


this is the American dream at it's best, not only does Britney get to fulfill the part where she doesn't raise her own children, but the (compared to Britney) underpaid baby wrangler later gets to fulfill the part where they get to earn millions of dollars for doing little to no work.

god bless America man.

so in an effort to bring this phenomenon to America's under-appreciated ice cube full of natural resources to the north, here is my new and improved five year plan. . .

find somebody to ghost write a tell all book about the Anderson's down the street, who i babysat for in high school . . . which should really only take a week or so. and then spend the next five years trying to make them famous. . .

a little turned around but after this blog entry i don't see myself getting hired as a nanny by the Mulroney's. . . (even though Ben still clearly needs one.)


''sing sing, sounds like it should be and opera house or something. . . black, alligator.''

there is nothing i like more than coming home tanked and watching classic movies. hoorah for breakfast at tiffany's.

i read somewhere that celebraties(sp? i can't spell when i am sober let alone right now.) go out and party on weekdays because only the lower class go partying on the weekends, so. . . hoorah for acting rich, because there really is no excuse for being this drunk on a weekday.

anyways, the point of this drabble is that george pappard is awesome. . . and i guess audrey hepburn is pretty cool too.

''you!! you know what's going to happen to you? i am going to take you to the Zoo and feed you to the yak!!! . . . as soon as i finish this drink."


the colour test on wench wire's blog looked like fun to me, which is odd because i am not usually into the self evaluating questions. but it was fun, and like everything else in my life i m earth toned! i love brown, it's such a strong sensible colour.

i would like to point out that the words strong and sensible are not words that i would normally use to describe myself. but they are qualities that i admire in people around me so i can't help but be pleased with the result.

Your true colour is brown!


You're brown, a credible, stable colour that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral colour, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

aside from thanking wench wire for the colour test, i must also send my thanks for getting me home after a mutual friends going away party last night. i was just about to give up and drunkenly walk home through a not so awesome part of town when she found a cab and offered to drop me off. . . so thank you! i am still alive!

it was good to get out and have fun though, and probably good for me, despite the nasty hang over. i get into these ruts where i hang out with the same people all the time, and while i love my close friends, it's exciting and refreshing to have new conversations with new people.


hooray for first actual post!

for some reason i have been awarded some kind of nice award (seen in figure FU-1). . . i think if you ask around you'll find that things like that don't happen very often, at least not to me.

knuckle toes had this to say:

"Pocket Buddha - Like Abigail said, you are a pretty wonderful lady. You bring greetings of trail mix and kiwis, and are now my new business partner, with Greetings from Aunt Flow. Now it is time for you to show everyone how nice you can be, by posting. Go fourth and post!"

"PocketBuddha- You don't really know her yet in the blogosphere, but believe me, she's a nice lady. She brought me fruit and trail mix and good conversation throughout Folk Fest last weekend, and that alone proves how darn nice she is." says abigail road.

so now not only do i feel pressure to be nice to people, but also to post. . . even though i have nothing of consequence to say for myself, accept thank you!!!! i feel this shows that knuckle toes and abigail road actually get me. . . not in an emo sort of 'nobody gets me but my friends' sort of way, but because they have actually recognized that behind the sarcasm i do actually care for people. . . but don't tell anyone.



I also like to sniff dirty baby diapers.
Bleh heh bleh.

paybacks a bitch.
Love, Knuckle Toes