GIST #18 of 365

1) The stranger in the mall who told me I look pretty. . . . Even though I do maintain that I look like a giant swollen preggo hell's beast.

2) The sun dress my parents brought back from Mexico last winter that I forgot I had until today and is roomy enough to accommodate both myself and the baby.

3) Dad Piper's sexy bits. . . And the rest of him too I guess. . . But especially the sexy bits.

4) spicy chili popcorn.

5) Jurassic Park showing for free in the park tonight. . . I get the feeling the walk back to the car is going to be a spooky one for me. . . Because I am a giant baby who jumps at shadows.

My SECOND Inappropriate Public Attire Story This Month.

Das Piper: I am bored, wanna go for a drive? Maybe get some ice cream?

Pocketbuddha: Ok, But I am not changing.

We drive up and down one of the two main streets, through all of the construction and other such nonsense, enjoying the cool wind of the car's air conditioner, the giant milkshake (since when was a 'large' an entire freaking liter of milkshake?) numbing the palm of my hand.

Pocketbuddha: Are you sure you're not embarrassed to be driving around with me wearing a too-short tunic dress with sweatpants and flip-flops like one of those Walmart sweat pant people?

Das Piper: Yep, and to prove it, we're going to Walmart, I need blank CD's.

Pocketbuddha: That's nice, I am waiting in the car.

Das Piper: No your not. I am taking the keys in with me, you won't have any air.

Pocketbuddha: I am not even wearing a bra! If I go in there looking like this we'll definitely run into someone we know.

Das Piper: Everyone we know is out camping this weekend. . . and when was the last time we saw anyone we knew in this Walmart? It's the south end.

Fine, we go in. . . I try not to fidget and keep telling myself that no one is staring at me. . . and that there are in fact no less than six other people in similarly unacceptable attire lurking the aisles. We get the blank CD's, which took Das Piper eight million years to pick out just to spite me, we pay for them and . . . . oh thank god we can leave. . . And just as we're stepping over the threshold, just when I have the safety of the car in my sightes I here someone say hello behind us.

I cringe and try to keep walking, praying to every Deity I could think of that the voice was talking to someone else. But Das Piper's voice stopped me.

Das Piper: Oh Hey so and so!

I stopped, I turned, I saw my partner greeting an acquaintance of ours from the local pub with a smile and evil glint in his eye.

Pocketbuddha: I fucking told you so.

And even though the acquaintance in question is known more for his dirty cover-alls and questionable body odor than anything to do with fashion, I took the keys from Das Piper's hand and walked as fast as I could to the car where I proceeded to pout.

Would it really have been so hard for me to change my clothes before leaving? I now have TWO pairs of perfectly comfortable maternity pants to wear. . . not to mention a number of nice cool skirts and dresses to choose from. . . I have absolutely no excuse!


Micheal Jackson Is Dead

Really? . . . Are you sure? . . . Was a stake driven into his heart? Or a silver bullet of some kind used?

My theory. . . Somewhere in the fine print on those tickets for the 50 show tour he was supposedly going to do . . . There is a clause that fans cannot get their money back if the show is canceled due to the prince's death. . . He's not really dead, he's just living on an island somewhere with a bunch of fresh money. That way he doesn't have to remove the mask and show the world that, in fact, his entire face has fallen off.

Thank you MJ, for your contribution to music. I am sorry that you had to be so fucked up in the process that your more recent behaviour makes it hard for me to do anything but make jokes about your death. I really do wish that your career had brought you the same joy that it did thousands of others. If it had we could have avoided such heart breaking incidents as baby dangling and other varying degrees of inappropriate behaviour in regards to young children.


GIST #17 of 365

1) Although the rest of the day was a grumpy one for both of us, the Teething Toddler and I took a 35 minute walk during which neither of us cried or sighed in frustration. . . Well, I walked, he lounged in his stroller and pointed at interesting things along the way.

2) I had yogurt and granola for lunch and it was DELICIOUS!

3) The teeny weeny owl hat I ordered for the baby from Madhelmeteer on Etsy should be here any day!

4) Also on their way; 25 prefold diapers that I only paid about 3$ a piece for. . . sweet deal!

5) Das Piper had a great first father's day. . . and I enjoyed it too. . . There's nothing like gorging yourself on three heaping buffet plates followed by a long nap and a baba cooked meal. . . I am pretty sure I gained 10 pounds yesterday.


My Hump

In which the two ACTUALLY PREGNANT! stars of the upcoming movie 'The Baby Formula' work their 'lovely lady lumps'.


Fun Stuff To Do In Regina This Weekend

I used to think that the vast amount of drinking and chain smoking I did was in direct correlation with the lack of anything better to do all summer.

Now that such activities would be counter productive to my current project, I have found that, in fact, I was just too lazy to look very far for anything better.

Bazaart is this Saturday. . . This annual fundraiser for the McKenzie art gallery is basically like esty fell off of the Internet and landed in the parking lot of the Tommy Douglas building. The money raised by your gate admission helps to ensure that the McKenzie art gallery remains a free admission gallery for the rest of the year. And the money you spend on the many arts, crafts, and buskers inside support local artisans!

Ska band, The Realdeal, plays this weekend at the Distrikt night club. . .where you can still drink and smoke your face off if you so choose, but just going for a little live music on a Saturday night is a pretty good time all on its own as well. (except last time when I threw up over the side of the upper level of the outdoor smoking section surrounded by drunk guys being all disgusted and shouting 'dude! She's so drunk!'. . . I was offended, I have never thrown up my alcohol thank you very much, it's just that morning sickness doesn't only happen in the morning.)

If free is the aim of your game, the Spray Pads located around the city are now open. It's got the same refreshment power of an outdoor pool, only in sprinkler format. I personally like the one located Kinsmen south. . . Make sure to wear water shoes though, it's grad season and the drunken not-so-high-school students think it's funny to break their beer bottles around the park.

See! there you have it! plenty of fun stuff to do around this city that doesn't have to do with chain smoking or drinking lots of beer. . . Although I really wouldn't mind spending an afternoon on the pub patio. . . anyone interested in a game of scrabble this weekend? I am sure the wait staff aren't sick of serving me water quite yet.


GIST #16 of 365

1) Thunder storms.

2) Waking up feeling rested because I somehow managed to go from 10 pm to 6 pm without going to the bathroom.

3) The Tomato plants survived the hail.

4) Das Piper forgives my new found klutziness, even when it results in his injury.

5) Watching the baby shift from one side of my stomach to the other. . . Like an alien is going to bust out and a damp and sweaty Segourney Weaver is going to appear somewhere.


My work life has fallen into an easy rhythm. . . the toddler eats naps and poops like clock work. . . A quality I find very convenient if a little creepy. . . like really, how do your tiny bowels know that it is 8:35 am? The convenient part about it is that his afternoon nap (aka: I can turn off the cartoons and listen to adult conversation on the radio) starts at the same time the news ends and The Point starts on CBC, and continues until his mother returns home at 3:30, which means that I can pretty much mentally check out at 2 o'clock every day.

Yesterday on The Point, they were discussing the perfect summer mix tape. Not only did my heart give a tiny swoon over that fact that they used the term 'mix tape' and not 'play list', but it, and todays heat, also got me thinking about my own summer soundtrack. The links under the artist's name will take you to their home page, and for the songs that have videos on YouTube, the link under the song title will take you there!

Corrine Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On - I can't get enough of this song! Want to know why? Put on your prettiest summer dress and go for a walk, run errands, walk to the pub, whatever, if you do it with this song in your earphones you'll feel an extra bounce in your step.

Joel Plaskett - Run Run Run - Some summer days it's just too hot to move very quickly. . . The slow classic rock beat of this song from his newest album, Three, is perfect for just such a day.

Prince - Musicology - Need to funk out and feel sexy in the worst way? plug this one in and get ready to strut! I would love to link you but there is no official Prince website, and no video for this song on YouTube. . . so you'll have to go find it on itunes yourself.

Dala - Drive Through Summer - This duo just released a new album, I haven't heard the whole thing yet but I am sure it's good. If you're into folky chicks with cowboy boots and peasant skirts, this songs a good bet. . . And P.S. Whoever I lent their first album to, could you please call me and return it?

Ron Sexsmith - Brandy Alexander - Leslie Feist also has a version of this song that the two wrote together on her album The Reminder. I like this version because of the jazzy brass in the background.

The Be Good Tanyas - littlest bird - Blue Grass is the sound of summer on the prairie as far as I am concerned. This song is perfect for driving through the never ending fields of southern Saskatchewan.

Bedouin soundclash - Gyasi Went Home - What summer mix would be complete without a little reggae vibe? Any song off any album from this band would be perfect, but this has caused me to embarrass myself while walking around town with it's dancability, so it has a special place in my heart.

flaming lips - do you realize - It may have been the contact high, but when I saw the flaming lips perform this song live last summer at the Pemberton music festival, I cried. . . Ever since then I can't get enough of it.

Portishead - roads - If you've ever taken the bus through the prairies, you know that the key to keeping your sanity is to stare into the distance and just go zen. . . This song saved my life last summer, I dare you to try not being hypnotized by the lead singers voice.

Goldfrapp - happiness - This song just has an airiness to it that will surely cool you down this summer. . . a good travelling song, it's definitely a toe tapper. . . and you must check out the video! It's one of my favourites.


GIST #15 of 365

1) These super cute embellished prefold diapers from Four Green Monkeys on etsy! They would definitely make a great gift for any sassy mama's you may know! (hint)

2) Today's beautiful warm sunny weather after almost a week of clouds and rain.

3) It's Thursday! Which is one day closer to the weekend than Wednesday.

4) Staring at the teeny weeny sandals my mom sent for the baby. . . even though they will fit him in January when there is snow on the ground, it's the thought that counts.

5) Das Piper is feeling better and is therefore MUCH less grumpy than he was been the last week.


I Covet Cheese!

Pocket Buddha: I want a cheese pizza.

Das Piper: oh?

Pocket Buddha: well, actually, I want a pound of melted cheese dipped in ranch sauce. . . But I can put up with a crust because it would make it easier to eat.

Das Piper: It's nice to see that you think these things out before you demand them.

Update 2 hours later:

As it turns out. . .Pizza Hut actually offers a pound of melted cheese with ranch dipping sauce conveniently folded over in pizza crust so that it is easy to eat. . . like a big old pound of cheese sandwich.

I walked 3 blocks. . . outside. . . Where people could see me. . . In yoga pants that were too short for me and a hooded sweatshirt that was 3 sized too big and not entirely clean to get this pound of cheese sandwich.

One woman was so disgusted with me that she could not contain her reaction and took her toddler to wait outside rather than stand next to me in line.

Then I ate the entire thing while watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 with my big stretch marked gut hanging out.

I am officially too pregnant to care what you think!


GIST #14 of 365

1) Blue Freezies make teething toddlers my friend.

2) Teething toddlers who are my friend nap on the proper schedual for the first time in 3 days.

3) And eat all of their lunch without throwing any in my general direction.

4) We were such good friends today that we even made up a new game called 'throw toys in the air and then laugh'. I am not sure I got the point, but I suppose we had fun.

5) My new friend even gave me a hug good-bye as I was leaving and waved at the window with a smile.


GIST #13 of 365 A.K.A Grocery Shopping Is My New Favorite Pass Time

1) Corn on the cob.

2) Fresh cherries.

3) Brie from the Bulk Cheese Warehouse.

4) Watermelon

5) My favorite yogurt on sale.