4.26.2009

Bear Grylls Is A Big Fat Fake!


I am a huge fan of Les Stroud and his OLN show 'Survivorman'.

For anyone who hasn't watched the show, here's how it works:

Les Stroud gets dropped off in a remote location with about 20-25 Kg of camera equipment, His trusty multi-tool, his harmonica, and sometimes, if he's lucky, some kind of broken down mode of transportation to re-create an actual survival situation like say . . . running out of gas in the middle of a dessert, or. . . Getting lost while kayaking or some such thing. With these things he films his survival for 7 days after which his safety crew send out search parties to go get him.

Not only is he a survival instructor and avid outdoors man, Les Stroud is also a fantastic film maker, resulting in breathtaking shots of some of the worlds most remote and exotic places. This also results in very pleasantly framed shots of him eating some pretty disgusting plants and animals, and cool time-lapse views of him making shelters, or spending hours upon hours trying to light a fire by rubbing sticks together.

What comes through in all of this is Les's undeniable love and respect for nature.

Bear Grylls is apparently trying to find the same success with his show 'man vs. wild', the problem being that he has none of the qualities that make Les Stroud an interesting survivalist and film maker.

Bear Grylls would rather run around naked being filmed by a camera man as he pretends that he is concurring nature all on his lonesome, and giving people advice that would get them killed were they actually in a survival situation.


(Yes it's important to cover your head in the desert, but pissing on your shirt and making a hat out of it is going to get you 3rd degree sunburn. And sure, you have to be willing to eat some pretty gross stuff to survive, but eating lizards and scum dwellers without removing digestive tracks or cooking them at all will give you any number of crippling diseases. Also, wading around in the water and sticking your bare hand into a mysterious hole in the Louisiana swamp to 'noodle' for catfish will at best result in a wounded hand from the catfish bite, and at worse get either your hand bitten off by a snapping turtle or your leg bitten off by an alligator. And as I mentioned earlier you're not going to cook that catfish anyways, so even if you catch it, it'll still kill you.)

Even the name of his show suggests his complete wankerness by suggesting that survival is a competition, that the wild is something to be beaten and conquered instead of revered, respected, and learned about in order to survive.

I want him taken off of television he is simply irresponsible, and watching him only makes me angry now that I have realized that an episode resulting in his horrible death isn't ever going to happen because the entire production is so obviously a gigantic illusion.


Mind you, that is only my opinion, and lord knows I am not the person who decides what goes on television. So I am willing to negotiate. Instead of taking this lunatic off of television all together, I would settle for the competition he seams so insistent upon. Here's my plan:


1) Convince Les Stroud to lower himself to Bear Grylls' level if only for a couple days.


2) Find a location that neither Les Stroud nor Bear Grylls has ever shot from. . . I am not sure where, anywhere would do.


3) Drop them both there miles apart from each other, and see who survives the longest.


My bet is that Les Stroud wouldn't even have to stay his usual 7 days because there is no way Bear Grylls would last that long.

9 comments:

Abigail Road said...

When I found out that the Man vs. Wild guy stays in a hotel, and not out in the wild, I almost went looking for him just to punch him in the face.

Tori said...

Brilliant solution o carrier of my grandbaby. I surmise Les knows how to properly prepare human flesh for safe consumption whilst in survivorman mode. You know. Two birds and all that. Jus' blue-skying here ...

Anonymous said...

there is a mountain of evidence out there exposing "bear" grylls for what he really is, a fraud. his real name isn't even bear for crying out loud, it's ed.

what edward grylls does on his show is downright irresponsible, he spouts out the worst possible advice and the layperson thinks it's what you're supposed to do in a survival situation.

in case you didn't already know, don't drink the juice from elephant poop, that's just asking for trouble. but according to eddie, it's a good way to hydrate yourself.

the gene pool really needs to be chlorinated once in a while.

sigh

:) said...

I was thinking about this today when I watched him kill a Reindeer. I decided I hate him. I hate him so very much. So I typed "Bear Grylls is a big fat fake" into Google, to see if anyone else shared my hatred for his fakeness. I'm glad you do. Thanks.

Joshua said...

I would like to see any of you all do any of the things you deem fake. It is easy to critique it while watching it from your couch. It is a show that requires ratings. Im sure you will go enjoy "The Jersey Shore". None you have any balls to do anything risky so you quarterback a show.

Anonymous said...

Jealousy.

Bear Grylls is:

Charismatic, excellent at hunting, very knowledgable about plant and animal life, athletic as shit, and not for nothing- interesting.

I love his show. I love(d) survivorman (until he retired) and I don't see why you would ever compare them when you can watch both.

Big and Fat likely applies to the person writing this blog, but not Grylls. Fake my ass. Wholly entertaining is what he is.

Anonymous said...

youngest person to ever climb everest, scout leader. These titles are not for the faint hearted. Bear Grylls is fuckin top!

Anonymous said...

I would love to see you try and do what Bear Grylls does. We sould call it pussy drinks piss and dies.

Anonymous said...

You are just so jealous of BG's success.Bear Grylls is the best.He is a legend in the field of survivalists.
LS can not even dream of achieving the success of bv.
Les stroud is the "fat fake ". Go to hell !